Quest:– For the true, real self, self-understanding.
Desire:-Deep connections with themselves and others.
Theme_- “I’ve got to be me”
Focus of Attention:-Being unique. Looks for what is missing in life. Others are thought to have what I am missing and longing for.
Basic Fear:-Of being defective or inadequate, of being ordinary
Core Belief: I am missing something, I am flawed, I am different from others
Mental Habit:-Longing (Fantasize on what can be or what could have been)searching, grieving
Miss the Mark:-Long for what others seem to have. I spend a lot of energy on how I would like my life to look.
Coping Strategy:- Search for the Ideal
Inner Messages:-Its not okay for me too happy or too functional
- “Why are they so happy? others have something I am missing. Why not me?”
- “Why did I say the wrong thing again?”
- “Nobody understands me”
- “What is missing?”
- “Where is the meaning and purpose for my life?”
- If only I had…
- I’d be happy if only my life could be different
- this is not working
- My creativity is at stake
At their Best:- introspective, empathetic, artistic, creative, expressive, supportive, refined
At the Worst: depressed, self-conscious, guilt-ridden,moralistic, withdrawn, stubborn, mooy, self-absorbed
Challenges:- When focused on “what’s missing” cannot see their gifts and what they can be grateful for in their life. Tendency to take everything personally. Emotional explosions, moodiness, dark moods of emptiness and despair.
Paradigm; When I exaggerate needing to be special- I am overcompensating for an underlying limiting belief that I am flawed and people don’t want me around. Having an overly sensitive, refined, precious, entitled, easily misunderstood attitude brings about misunderstanding and distancing instead of empathy and connection. It confirms my belief – “ I am unlovable”
Gifts at High Level: Sensitive, Empathetic, Creative
- Acknowledge special gifts, talents and accomplishments
- Devote yourself to the task of self-discipline
- Look for where you can be grateful in your life
- Value living in the present moment, not in past regrets and future fantasy.
- Commit yourself to creative work which will inspire, motivate and bring out the best in you.
- Notice what qualities you admire or envy in others and develop them in yourself, so you can turn down the intensity when it does not serve you.
- Be careful not to blow what others say out of proportion. Check to see what was really meant.
- Try to be objective and not over power others with your emotions.
- Learn to observe your emotions, become an observer.