Quest: To merge with another or something greater
Theme: Can’t we all just get along
Focus of Attention: Naturally goes to other people’s agendas and preferences, and merging with them to the detriment of one’s own desires.
Fear: Loss of connection or fragmentation
Belief: My presence is unimportant
Mental Habit: Rumination, meandering, withholding
Miss the Mark: Forgetting themselves
Coping Strategy: Get into the body
Inner Messages: It’s not okay to assert yourself
- Why do people get so worked up about things?
- I’ll agree with whatever he says – but I’ll do what I want
- The more she nags the longer I will drag.
- Blend in
- Do not make any waves
- This too shall pass
- It’s not worth it
- Wait it out
- The right time will come
- It’s hard to take a position when “both sides of the coin” make sense to me.
Sense of Self: “I am a peaceful, easygoing person”
At their Best: mediating, easygoing, peaceful, agreeable, pleasant, generous, open-minded
At their Worst: forgetful, stubborn, apathetic, passive-aggressive, unassertive, judgmental
Challenges: Easily hurt by neglect, need to maintain peace prevents them from taking a stand, can become identified with others and forget to express themselves, lack of inner direction results in doing unimportant things and leaving important things undone.
Paradigm: Those who exaggerate trying to be settled are over compensating for an underlying assumption that they do not fit in, they are unwanted and neglected, they do not matter. You get what you ask for. If you do not ask for anything, you will not get anything. If you don’t stand for something you don’t stand for anything. When you do not express your needs, others assume you do not need anything so do not offer anything. People seem cold and uncaring. This confirms the belief “The World is indifferent.”
Gifts at the Highest Levels: Self-remembering, Embracing, and Present
- Be more assertive – you tend to go along to get along.
- Clarify what you want and state it clearly and directly
- Set goals and go into action do not get side tracked by secondary motivations. Things do not get done unless you do them. Do not procrastinate.
- Focus on reality rather than imagination. When you express what you want and work toward having it, you find out what is real.
- Get out of your comfort zone. Adjust and make changes to the changing world
- Redefine yourself as nice, but also tough. Confront situations that are against your values.
- Accept your anger and face conflict. You tend to avoid conflicts at all costs. Accept anger as a natural emotion that helps define how you feel, what you want, and what you will not put up with.
- Be peaceful in a world of war. You are an ambassador for peace, caring, acceptance and love. Be a mediator and help others with tools that deal with differences and conflict.