Quest: – To be loved
Theme:– “How can I help?“
Desire:– To be loved
Focus of Attention:– Other people’s needs, relationships. Naturally goes to what others need and how they can meet that need to ensure the positive approval of others
Core Belief:– It is selfish to have my own needs
Fear:- Of being unloved
Mental Habit:- Flatter others
Miss the Mark:-Feeling better than others – pride ( I have no needs)
Coping Strategy:– Sacrifice myself
- I’m not important,
- I am not useful,
- I am not enough without others,
- I am not valued or loved if I do not put others needs before my own.
- Am I needed?
- Will others like me?
- Who needs help here?
- I could suggest
- I could arrange
- They’ll feel good about this
Sense of self:- “I am caring, loving and selfless”
At their Best:– Deeply caring, nurturing, generous, serving, tuned in to how people feel
At their worst: martyrlike, indirect, possesive, manipulative, hysterical, over accommodating, overly demonstrative
Challenges: Confusion in identifying own needs, the journey inward
Paradigm:- People who exaggerate being helpful and generous, over compensate for underlying limiting belief they are selfish, undeserving of love and are unimportant. Being overly nurturing and smothering pushes people away, instead of bringing them closer. Confirms belief – “Getting one’s needs met is unacceptable and unlikely.”
Gifts at Healthy Levels:-Open heart, generous and Self-caring, empathy
- Engage in activities that give you pleasure and do not engage others.
- Give yourself the pampering that you give to others
- Learn to set limits and say “no” when another’s request may be too demanding or stressful on you.
- Get in touch with your angry feelings
- Learn to speak up if you feel you are being treated unfairly.
- Be your own person not who others want you to be.
- Learn to receive. Stop over giving and make space for others to give to you.
- Set limits so you do not take on more than your fair share of work.